Straight out of the drawer of ‘why not?’, let’s match up some Chelsea FC players with WWE wrestlers
I love sports. I mean I really do love sports. I watch anything from proper football to American football, from boxing to cricket, literally anything. And this extends to the world of wrestling. So why not try and see if I can pair some Chelsea FC players with a WWE counterpart?
Some people don’t regard professional wrestling as a sport. The outcomes are fixed and they’re not really hitting each other, so they say. It’s hard to argue with the first bit, the outcomes are indeed fixed, and thus I can see why it shouldn’t be called a sport.
Hell, Vince McMahon doesn’t even want you to call it a sport either. It’s Sports Entertainment. Having said that, the latter bit is what really rubs me the wrong way. Yes, they may not be squaring each other in the jaw with each punch, but there is no way that you can take away from the sheer strength, athleticism and pain tolerance that is required to be a professional wrestler.
Sorry, I’ve gone off on a tangent. This is a site dedicated to all things Chelsea FC, right?
WWE is a global entertainment behemoth. You could also argue that Chelsea are on the verge of being global sporting behemoth, if they have not reached that point already.
As the McMahon family business slowly filters back into mainstream media, what better excuse is needed to take a step back from the seriousness of the Premier League and pair up a Chelsea player with a WWE equivalent.
Next: The Undertaker
The Undertaker – John Terry
The Undertaker is a veteran of the business. He has around for years and is a constantly feared opponent. More importantly, he has been one of the best in his profession for a large chunk of this time while he has done it all under one brand and has shown unwithering loyalty throughout.
John Terry is the same. Terry has been a Chelsea player from his youth days, and has failed to even be tempted by the proposition of leaving Stamford Bridge. The Englishman has been one of the world’s best centre-backs for the majority of his career and was a solid performer whom the club could always rely on.
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Despite all this, the factor that links the pair most is their current respective predicaments. The Undertaker saw his unbeaten streak be broken by Brock Lesnar last year at Wrestlemania 30. Everyone believed that he was on the brink of retirement, but he returned a year later looking better than ever and defeated Bray Wyatt.
Now, he is facing arguably the biggest test in his career. Whatever the true result of the Brock Lesnar rematch, there are many people who are saying that his career will be done come April 2016. He has to prove to the management, and more importantly himself, that he is both capable and willing to continue at this level.
Terry, meanwhile, suffered a dramatic fall from grace when he was thrown by the wayside by the likes of Rafa Benitez. He then resurrected himself under Jose Mourinho and went on to play every minute of every Premier League game last season. Now he too faces a pivotal point in his career as he has to show both the management and himself that he can still perform in the Premier League.
Next: Brock Lesnar
Brock Lesnar – Jose Mourinho
Jose Mourinho may not have the physique of Brock Lesnar, or the strength, but there is more to it than that.
Let’s start off with personalities. Lesnar waltzes around and does whatever he wants to do. He doesn’t abide by many rules and neither does he suck up to any of the folks in charge. He talks when he wants to as well. There might be a promo scheduled for him, but no, Lesnar won’t talk. He’ll just stand there and get someone else (Paul Heyman) to do the talking for him. He is Brock Lesnar, that is all.
Jose Mourinho is an enigma. He couldn’t care less about what he does, and he doesn’t care if he gets in trouble with the FA. He knows that he is too important to football for anything serious to happen. He may have a press conference or interview scheduled, but if he doesn’t feel like talking he won’t. This is perhaps where he is superior to Lesnar, he doesn’t even bother employing someone to be his mouthpiece. If Mourinho doesn’t want to talk, there will be no words said by him, or on behalf of him.
Their career paths are frightfully similar too. Lesnar made his name in WWE and won many titles. However, after a stint that should have been longer than it was, he left for greener pastures. He then proceeeded to win titles away from WWE, and was arguably equally as successful. However, he soon became tired of these other ventures and returned home to an unbelievable reception as it was thought that the much-loved Lesnar would never be back in a WWE ring.
Mourinho left Chelsea somewhat prematurely, won many things in other countries, then miraculously mended his relationship with the egoistic owner and returned home.
Both have carried on being successful, and are happier than they ever have been.
Next: Roman Reigns
Roman Reigns – Eden Hazard
Roman Reigns is the man. Or should be the man. Reigns was promoted to the main roster a few years ago and immediately was touted as the next big start of pro wrestling. He has the size, the look, and the general badass attitude to reach/be positioned at the top of the Sports Entertainment mountain and remain there for some time.
With all this hype, Reigns was pushed to the sky and it was evident that this fella was going to be the future face of the company. However, it hasn’t exactly all gone to plan. All the pressure and expectation has forced him to wilt a bit, and the fact that he has been shoved so far down the throats of fans has turned some against him.
He currently lies in wait, even though everyone knows that he does have the potential to be regarded as one of the greats of pro wrestling. Whether you like it or not, it really just is a matter of time before he reaches that summit.
Hazard evidently has all the skill to be one of the world’s best attackers. He has the size for an attacker and the partly stroppy attitude that only the best can afford to have. Right from his arrival at Stamford Bridge a few years ago, he was talked of as a rare talent. Some people even went so far as to compare him with Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.
However, this season he has shown that he is not quite the finished product yet. He has been pretty poor so far and is just waiting until he gets everything together to become a world-beater.
He may need a few more years of maturity, but he too is not far away from the summit of the game.
Next: Rusev
Rusev – Branislav Ivanovic
Rusev is a massive bloke. Like absolutely huge. Just look at that photo above. Mammoth.
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Apart from his size, he is also portrayed as this relatively simple foreigner who is just a bit of a brute. He initially burst onto the scene and was wrestling in the main event for a while, now he flounders around and looks like a tool.
More importantly, WWE tried to pass him off as a Russian during the early stages of his main roster career. HE HAS A TATTOO OF BULGARIA ON HIS ARM. Thank god that’s over now…
Ivanovic is not much different. He too has a relatively large chest. Frankly, he is quite large overall. Furthermore, the ignorant person (definitely not me) may have just assumed that he was Russian for a while.
Ivanovic has also fallen from relative grace and has been terrible for Chelsea in this campaign. He’s looked clumsy and has become the butt of Blues fans’ jokes. The thing is, though, we can’t blame the booking in his case.
Next: The Miz
The Miz – Cesc Fabregas
The Miz was pushed to the point that he main evented Wrestlemania XXVII alongside John Cena. The narcissistic superstar has since fallen to the mid-card but still receives a lot of TV time. Whether it be through Miz TV or another throwaway feud with whoever is the Intercontinental Champion, the Miz features on our screens week in, week out.
To be fair to him, he was pretty entertaining for his run at the top. However, his skills have deteriorated/been found out in recent times to the point that no-one wants to see him involved. Yet he constantly is.
Cesc Fabregas had a great spell in his career a few years ago which tempted Chelsea to buy him. He performed brilliantly in the early part of his time with the Blues but his form has since dropped off. Apart from a few good shows here and there, he has been largely forgettable.
Many Chelsea fans have been calling for him to be axed over the last year but despite this, he almost always finds himself in the starting line-up.
Both these stars get a lot of time, but just don’t produce consistently enough anymore.
Next: Ryback
Ryback – Gary Cahill
Ryback (after several repackagings) was touted as the next big star of WWE. He burst upon the scene under his new identity and soon was challenging then-WWE Champion CM Punk for his strap. He even feuded with John Cena a few months later for the same title.
He then dropped out of the main event picture after his actual in-ring capability was truly realised. He’s not bad, he’s just not great either. Nevertheless, he would go on to feature in high-profile spots and would win the Intercontinental Championship.
Much like Gary Cahill, really. Cahill came to Chelsea with people proclaiming him as the next England captain. After a good run he was found out.
He has still won a fair few titles and makes a lot of appearances each season. He too is not bad, he’s just not the world-beater people expected him to be.
Next: Cesaro
Cesaro – Willian
Cesaro is a fantastic wrestler. There is absolutely no-one on the WWE roster, hell even in the world, who can match his strength pound-for-pound. Having said that, the Swiss Superman has found the going quite tough so far in the world’s biggest sports entertainer. He has been given a range of personas but has failed to get over with the crowd with any of them.
This is not to say the whole crowd, mind. The pro wrestling fans have always loved Cesaro, but the commercial and more casual viewers that WWE milk most of their money out of have found it hard to connect with the talented grappler.
However, he seems to have now found ‘it’. The ‘it’ that Vince McMahon infamously said he didn’t have. Over the last year or so, Cesaro has dropped all of these larger-than-life characters that WWE are often obsessed with and has got over by going out to the ring and performing as a pro wrestler week after week.
Willian, meanwhile, is also finding his calling as we speak. The Brazilian has always had the talent, but has never been able to fulfill his potential out there on the pitch. In some ways it has been immensely frustrating to see the midfielder not quite bring it altogether to really show the fans how great he is.
However, both Willian and Cesaro are now coming into their own. They have always had the pieces to solve the puzzle, but they have recently figured out how those pieces fit together.
Next: Sheamus
Sheamus – Diego Costa
Sheamus is a sound grappler. He will guarantee you a solid match although he may not set the world alight all the time.
This may be in part due to his injury record. He has had bad luck with regard to keeping his body healthy in recent years and thus has never really been able to have too much of an extended run in the company. Yes, he has held world titles but he has also sat out as often as anyone else I can think of.
Furthermore, he also injures others, Daniel Bryan being the first person that comes to mind. Now let me just disclaim that this is not an explicit attack on the way that the Irishman works. It’s wrestling, shit happens. Also this statement is just based on rumours online which may be largely unsubstantiated. Having said that, it works for this comparison so let’s run with it.
Diego Costa similarly is a consistent performer. He will put in a shift and show you unfaltering commitment. However, he too is very injury-prone. His hamstring is an absolute nightmare and seems likely to blow out at any given time.
With respect to injuring others, Costa evidently loves a meaty challenge and is never afraid to leave his mark on his opponent. He’s always physical and gets stuck in with scant regard for the poor fella on the other end.
Furthermore, no-one likes either of them except a small section that represent their die-hard fans. Now do you get me?
Next: Seth Rollins
Seth Rollins – Oscar
Seth Rollins is a star who is being pushed as one of the future faces of WWE. He has been given the world title and has been positioned as one of the brightest talents on the roster.
He evidently has the talent but some people are still not convinced of his potential to carry the company once the supporting stick of Triple H disappears. He definitely has what it takes, but he still has a lot to prove given his relatively young big league career.
Oscar too has the chance to become one of Chelsea’s brand leaders. The youngster is supremely talented and has shown his ability on multiple occasions. However, he has never been consistent enough to keep up his form throughout an entire season and Blues fans have been forced to defend the Brazilian and talk up his potential.
Now, many Chelsea supporters feel that he no longer warrants their support and this is when he must demonstrate to the world that he is as good as he is touted to be. Oscar could be a leader of Chelsea, but he too has things still to prove.
Next: Dean Ambrose
Dean Ambrose – Nemanja Matic
It’s hard to define Dean Ambrose’s role in WWE. He’s not a bona fide main eventer, nor is he languishing in the mid-card. Ambrose is often asked to fill in the big spots when creative is lacking creativity as is evidenced by his world title programme with Seth Rollins.
Furthermore, Ambrose is immensely popular. His unique style and personality means that he receives a great reception wherever he goes. His solid wrestling skills don’t exactly hinder his popularity either as he is also one of those wrestlers who can be relied upon to put on a good show when requested.
Nemanja Matic, like Ambrose, is a consistently solid performer. He goes about his business match after match and always comes out looking as good as, if not better than, he did.
Despite this, Matic is not the superstar of the team but more the appreciated yet unheralded (if that’s possible) workhorse. The fans love him, though, and he seems happy to be in the role that he is. Furthering the comparison, he does also have the ability to step up in the big game when needed.
Now, as you can probably tell, I’m running out of steam so I’ll leave it there. What do you people think? Agree with the comparisons? Have any of your own (perhaps regarding John Cena…I struggled with that one)? Get involved and sound off in the comments below!
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