David Luiz signing is a diabolical move by Chelsea

Brazil's defender David Luiz reacts during the semi-final football match between Brazil and Germany at The Mineirao Stadium in Belo Horizonte on July 8, 2014, during the 2014 FIFA World Cup . AFP PHOTO / PEDRO UGARTE (Photo credit should read PEDRO UGARTE/AFP/Getty Images)
Brazil's defender David Luiz reacts during the semi-final football match between Brazil and Germany at The Mineirao Stadium in Belo Horizonte on July 8, 2014, during the 2014 FIFA World Cup . AFP PHOTO / PEDRO UGARTE (Photo credit should read PEDRO UGARTE/AFP/Getty Images) /
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David Luiz has returned to Stamford Bridge. Many are happy to see the Brazilian back at Chelsea, but this writer is not feeling the love. That’s putting it lightly.

In an act of pure transfer madness, Chelsea FC signed David Luiz back from Paris Saint Germain. Yes, Chelsea – the club in need of a brand new center back – signed one that they decided wasn’t up to standards just two years ago.

In this harebrained and ludicrous bit of decision-making Chelsea decided to buy a player that they previously unloaded. Not only that, but they have missed out on Luiz’s golden years to rejoin his career for the downward ones.

Chelsea already have a collection of older defenders who needed deputizing in order to simply make it through the season. So what did Chelsea do? They signed a 29-year-old who will be 30 before the season is over.

Chelsea FC, that club that only has four fit defenders have signed a player more well-known for his hair and his smile than his footballing talent.

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Let’s be clear, David Luiz seems like a decent human-being. He is charming, affable and kind to children and the homeless alike. What he also is, though, is a walking defensive liability.

He regularly just forgets his positioning. You know, center-back. The platform upon which the rest of a team is built? Yes, David Luiz forgets that he is playing that position. Sometimes he plays midfield, sometimes he plays striker. Sometimes he goes off round the pub to have a drink and then thinks to himself “wasn’t I up to something before?”

Chelsea bought David Luiz because they were desperate, sad, and pathetic. That is the position the club have been put in through unbelievable mismanagement over the course of the past three years.

Let’s examine an example of David Luiz defending, then we’ll discuss any of the hundreds of options that the Blues could have chosen instead. Note that a fair few of them are in their own system. They could have tapped that before spending £32 million on a walking L’Oreal hair advert.

Anyway: Germany 7-1 Brazil. To begin, Luiz was captain of Brazil, in Brazil, during the most embarrassing event in the history of the greatest footballing nation ever.

Goal 1

The corner. You see Tomas Muller wide open? Now look for David Luiz chasing back with the “oh sh*t I totally lost my man during a World Cup semi-final in my own country” face.

Goal 2

David Luiz is nutmegged while out of position with three German attackers behind him. How did that happen? God knows. I certainly don’t.

Goal 3

He somehow decides the best place to stand is right in front of his keeper. Shielding your own keeper? Innovative Luiz. It’s best to shield his vision so he can’t see a feeble shot that he could have easily saved had he known it was coming.

Goal 4

He isn’t even running back to help defend with Dante at this point. He is outside the penalty box while two Germans play simple one-twos to further embarrass his homeland. Even though he is captain. Of his homeland. In his homeland. He isn’t even running back.

Goal 5

David Luiz senselessly hoofs the ball up the field straight into the German defense. To those of you who say claim he is a ball playing center half: think again. That’s like calling your cat a dog and hoping that someday it will not make you seem like a lonely weirdo in your apartment by yourself searching the internet for ways to further your loneliness.

Luiz then charges up the field 45-50 yards to try to make a tackle further forward than any of Brazil’s midfielders. He even trips one of his own players in the process. Needless to say he misses the tackle, leaving only three men back; Germany slot in for number five.

The rest of the contest was littered with David Luiz attempting overly ambitious cross-field balls, only to hand it to the opposition. Isn’t he a ball-playing center half?

In that he knows how to kick the ball, he is a ball-playing defender. But in a professional footballing sense of helping transfer possession to attack through useful and intelligent passes, he’s nowhere near.

David Luiz plays for himself with no regard for his position, tactics or the importance of either in team football. Some may claim that he has developed at PSG, but he has not had to defend for the two years he has been there.

To finish this off, let’s list the better in-house options that Chelsea had when the summer started: Jake Clarke-Salter, Fikayo Tomori, Kenneth Omeruo, Nathan Ake, Mikel Jon Obi, Tomas Kalas, Alex Davey, Wallace, Nathaniel Chalaboah (has played in defence), Cristian Manea, Jay DaSilva and Ola Aina.

Welcome back David Luiz!