The UEFA Champions League Round of 16 Draw is this Monday.
All the 1st place finishers in their group will be placed in one pot and all the runners up will be in the other. You can not play any domestic opponent or a team that was in your qualifying group in this round.
More from The Pride of London
- Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea player ratings: Abysmal, reckless, wasteful
- Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea: 3 Blues talking points
- Bournemouth vs Chelsea: 1 Blue Mauricio Pochettino should drop
- Bournemouth vs Chelsea: 3 Blues who must start
- Predicted Chelsea lineup vs Bournemouth: Palmer starts in 4-2-3-1
But for the 16 teams left what must they be thinking heading into the New Year? Fortunately we’ve got them all in 1 room and can ask them. Let’s start with the Holders, Real Madrid.
Real: That’s 10 time winners, Real Madrid
Barcelona: typical arrogance…
UEFA: So Real, who would you like to play?
Real: Why, are you going to rig the draw for us like you do for Barca?
UEFA: …
Real: Give us anyone, we don’t care. We are the Galacticos and we’re winning it again this year.
Bayern Munich: Ahem. We’ll have something to say about that.
Real: Whatever.
Bayern Munich: You know the final is in Germany
Chelsea: So was the 2012 final.
Real: hahaha
Dortmund: Shots fired
Schalke: You know our manager won that.
Bayern Munich: Did somebody say something?
UEFA: So Chelsea, how do you feel about your chances?
Chelsea: There are sharks in the ocean.
UEFA: Ok…are you one of said sharks?
Chelsea: Little sharks. Sharks that need milk, need to learn how to swim, how to bite.
Barcelona: Whoa, whoa, whoa. No one is biting anybody.
PSG: Pardonez moi. But can we be placed in Pot 1 instead of Monaco. They don’t deserve to be there.
UEFA: Why not, they won their group fair and square.
PSG: They scored 4 goals in 6 games.
Dortmund: Another rich kid looking to be excused. You sound like Mark Wahlberg.
UEFA: Dortmund’s right PSG. Sorry, rules are rules.
PSG: No fair, we were drawn in a group with Barca
Monaco: Hey Paris, you want some cheese with that Pot 2.
PSG: Shut up Monaco, you’re gonna get slaughtered. Club coefficients are stupid anyway.
Man City: Here, here.
UEFA: Funny you should mention that, because we’re changing the seeding system next season. So if you win your League, you will be in Pot 1.
PSG: Magnifique! C’est Bon.
Arsenal: What if you finish fourth?
Chelsea: Maybe you should aim higher.
Arsenal: We don’t have the budget to aim higher.
Atletico Madrid: Did someone just complain about their budget?
UEFA: Ah, last year’s finalists. Welcome Atleti. Who would you like to see in the knockout stage?
Atletico Madrid: It matters not. We will take on all comers. What we lack in finances we make up for with our large Cojones.
Real: No wonder you have such large Cojones. Your manager looks like he snorts cocaine off a switch blade.
Atletico Madrid: Silencio.
Barcelona: Whilst having a bullet removed without anesthetic from a guy who isn’t a real doctor.
Atletico Madrid:…
Juventus: Knock, knock.
UEFA: Who’s there?
Juventus: The Old Lady.
UEFA: (sigh) The Old Lady who?
Juventus: The Old Lady who’ll be getting all the Italian Television Money. Biscotti.
Basel: We heard that joke back in 2013.
Bayern Munich: Is money all you care about?
Juventus: Now that Roma’s out – yes.
Man City: You’re welcome by the way.
Bayern Munich: Shut up City, you shouldn’t have even qualified.
Man City: Bitter much?
Shakhtar: I wouldn’t say bitter but Luiz Adriano is leading the competition in goals and you haven’t mentioned his name once.
Man City and PSG: What’s his buy out?
Dortmund: Jinx!
Basel: Classic.
Porto: We’re a legitimate threat and have a prolific history in Europe. I think we should be getting more recognition.
Chelsea: Blah, blah, blah. We scored the most goals in the group stage.
Bayern Munich: Perhaps, but we made 3 very good teams look incompetent. Even with 10 men.
Basel: We went to Anfield and advanced.
Chelsea: It’s not as easy as it looks.
Real Madrid: We won all 6 matches.
Barcelona: Ronaldo dove against Ludogorets.
Dortmund: Gesundheit!
Atletico Madrid: This coming from the team that has Neymar and Suarez.
Shakhtar: Who wants to play us?
Barcelona: Ukraine in February?
Porto: No thanks.
UEFA: Guys, we’re getting off topic.
Bayer Leverkusen: Cut the crap UEFA, you know all the teams in pot 2 want Monaco.
Man City, Schalke, Juventus, Shakhtar, Basel, Leverkusen: Monaco, Monaco, Monaco.
Chelsea: Wait, how come you’re not chanting Arsenal?
Arsenal: What’s the point. We’re just going to draw Bayern anyway. I hate football, it’s dumb.
Man City: Depressed much?
Arsenal: Shut up City, you shouldn’t have even qualified.
Man City: Complain if you want, but this is our year. I can feel it. Come the knock out round Aguero will be fully fit, Yaya will be back from AFCON and we’re finally going to go deep into this competition.
UEFA: And first up Manchester City will play Real Madrid.
Man City: God Damnit…