Chelsea FC Are Uber Cool, And Other Weekend Ramblings
By Zahir Gilani
Welcome to a special edition of the Friday ramblings (special because it’s Monday…). Let’s get to it…
Chelsea FC have partnered with Uber to deliver free jerseys to fans all over the globe; a fantastic marketing campaign and very cutting edge. Yet I found myself having terribly entertaining visions of Diego Costa driving an Uber, in a complete chauffeur’s outfit, with a bow-tie and hat, delivering jerseys to unsuspecting suburbanites worldwide. He’d be running red lights, flipping off fellow drivers, and destroying mailboxes as children scatter from the streets, only to arrive at the winner’s home and step all over the flowers in their garden.
And then acting like he didn’t see the road signs when a cop pulled him over.
So Patrick Bamford gets loaned out to Crystal Palace and I’m like “Wait a minute, they already have 4 strikers – Dwight Gayle, Fraizer Campbell, Glenn Murray and Marouane Chamakh.” And then I’m like “Wait a minute, all he has to do to be the Eagles’ starter is be better than Dwight Gayle, Fraizer Campbell, Glenn Murray and Marouane Chamakh.”
You know you’re a Chelsea fan when you’re just as engaged in where players get loaned out to as you are in the senior squad.
This will be Oscar’s first full pre-season with Chelsea since joining them in 2012.
Juan Mata has to be the most loved player in Europe. I’ll provide a couple examples: last season when he returned to Stamford Bridge the Chelsea fans gave him a standing ovation. This past weekend when Barca played United in pre-season, during the pre-match handshakes, every single Barca player shook Mata’s hand as if greeting their best friend. With faces glowing, some gave him a full-on hug, some gave his face a gentle touch of affection…regardless, in both instances, it felt like everyone was gushing to see him.
Mexican national coach Miguel Herrera has no neck.
Mexico won the CONCACAF Gold Cup by beating Jamaica in a very entertaining game Sunday night. But Mexico’s triumph came with controversy.
Panama lost 2-1 to Mexico in the Gold Cup semifinals after two dubious penalties were awarded to El Tri. Mexico’s captain Guardado said that after the first bad call he considered missing the spot kick on purpose.
After advancing to the final the Mexican team did not celebrate their victory in the locker room and Panama’s squad, who didn’t care much for subtlety, took a photo with a giant banner that read “CONCACAF Cheaters”.
Southampton lost Lallana, Lambert and Lovren last summer and still finished in the top 10. This summer they lose Clyne, Schneiderlin and Alderweireld, and have to start the season without their goalkeeper Fraser Forster as he recovers from an ACL tear. Saido Mané is a legitimate game changer but I think that the Saints will fall back a little this season. If they don’t we should all stand and applaud.
Side note: last season Mané’s agent said that his client is as good as Messi and Ronaldo. Aim high Willis!
Christian Benteke is officially one of Liverpool’s 46 strikers. This allows me to share the Benteke song, which will no doubt be sung in the Kop end – though it’s not exactly “You’ll never walk alone”.
Back to Chelsea, the team I love. Make it easier for me to love you, now that Filipe Luis is gone back to Atleti, and promote Nathan Aké to the first team as the 2nd choice left back and emergency defender. I implore you. It makes perfect sense – I’d do it faster than you can say Temitayo Olufisayo Olaoluwa Aina.
Scientific fact, every time Mesut Ozil touches the ball, the ball smiles.
Ozil also looks like Count Dracula in his college years.
And finally Arturo Vidal has moved from Juventus to Bayern Munich. During this summer’s Copa America, held in his native country of Chile, he drove drunk and crashed his Ferrari. A tabloid reported that he told the officers who arrived at the scene that “you can arrest me, but you’ll screw Chile if you do”, or something to that effect. How amazing would that be if true?
Needless to say Vidal was not arrested but his license was suspended and perhaps not a moment too soon as he moves to Germany where the Autobahn, much like Vidal on the pitch, has no speed limit. Something tells me he’ll be using Uber plenty this upcoming season.
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