Songs, Fights, David De Gea’s Plight And Other Transfer Ramblings…
By Zahir Gilani
Welcome to a special edition of The Ramblings, with David De Gea and the transfer window taking centre stage
David De Gea’s failed transfer to Real Madrid reminds me of the time I left a paper (that I had 3 months to write) until the last minute. I bet it went something like this:
Ed Woodward: Did you get the paperwork?
Florentino Pérez: Can you send it again Ed, but remove Gareth Bale from the bottom in fine print.
Ed Woodward: LOL, that was the old contract. Ok sent.
Florentino Pérez: Got it….what the hell is docx?
Ed Woodward: I’ll send you the PDF version too.
Florentino Pérez: Perfect. FML now Adobe is telling me that I have to update to the latest version.
Ed Woodward: It’s getting late, you better hurry
Florentino Pérez: Now it’s saying I have to reboot.
Ed Woodward: Wanker…
(5 minutes later)
Florentino Pérez: Ok, done! Now let me submit it…what do you mean we’re too late?! It’s only a couple past twelve..
UEFA: Sorry Mr. Pérez, midnight was the deadline. Rules are rules.
Ed Woodward: What if we put it on Barcelona’s letterhead? ROTFL.
When I was in Australia a few years ago I went camping on Fraser Island (I later learned that Fraser Island is referred to as the most dangerous island in the world). Coincidentally, while there I was in the company of a London-born Chelsea fan. Not just any fan though, an outright hooligan. Though you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, when he began regaling in tales of past soccer brawls, the shaved head, crooked teeth and scattered tattoos all over his athletic frame made perfect sense.
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Reading about the Manchester United fans who got into a scuffle in Belgium with Brugge supporters a fortnight ago made me remember his stories of night fights in a London park, or arriving at a visiting tube station only to have the platform filled with the home fans ready to rush them.
As I learned from this nameless Chelsea supporter, who educated me that evening, when two sides play, the gang leaders call one another up, decide on a time and place to get down and that’s about it. This helps to minimize arrests in general but apparently Manchester law enforcement caught wind of the organized melee, traveled to Belgium, and were at the pub in plain clothes ready to make arrests.
But much like “The Office”, whatever they do in the UK, Americans will produce a poorer version.
With regards to the Champs League draw itself here are some of the things that I’m most looking forward to in the group stage:
-Angel Di Maria gets to face Real Madrid.
-Petr Cech returns to the Allianz Arena where he won the Champions League.
-Roma and Bayer Leverkusen going toe to-toe-to see who emerges from Barca’s group.
-Iker Casillas getting a chance to face Mourinho (he plays for Porto now).
-Watching every match in Group D.
-Watching no matches in Group H.
And after last night we can pretty much pencil in Manchester United vs. Real Madrid in the round of 16.
Donald Trump does not want to buy Argentinian Club San Lorenzo. Good, because I couldn’t think of a witty enough corruption joke.
In other big-mouth related news, Joey Barton is now a Burnley player. After signing he stated that “I would have signed for Burnley for 50 pence a week”. That’s a very kind thing to say…except for the fact that when he was at QPR and a Burnley fan called them overrated on Twitter, Barton responded like this:
@GaryMurg We might be crap. We may well be really over rated but at least we don't have to live in Burnley!
— Joey Barton (@Joey7Barton) May 4, 2014
There’s something about Kenedy. I’ve only seen him for a half against Barca and the last 20 minutes against Crystal Palace and I think Chelsea have struck gold. Could the Blues have landed another phenom?
Think about it, Mourinho decided to start him in an important preseason tune up, an honor which has not been afforded to many young Chelsea starlets. Then, with absolutely no international pedigree, he not only immediately got a work permit, but he immediately got a place on Chelsea’s bench and received his first Premier League appearance. And not in mop-up time either, he came on when Chelsea were chasing a result. This looks like the start of something very interesting.
Funny songs are possibly my favorite part of English soccer that doesn’t take place on the pitch. Chelsea FC have had a bit of a free run as of late with songs that taunt the opponent, so now it’s only right that we take one on the chin. So with that I give you Everton’s final word on the John Stone’s saga. It’s fantastic…
Get used to it because they’ll be singing it rebelliously and unrelentingly at Goodison Park in a couple of weeks.
And lets just ignore that these same supporters not only called John Stones a “rat” after he submitted a transfer request last week, but forced him to stay at a hotel in Manchester because angry Toffee fans targeted his home…Irony thy name is Everton.
Check out the rest of the Ramblings series here.
Next: The Comprehensive Chelsea FC Transfer Window Round-Up