What’s Happened To Chelsea FC?
By Lee Fraser
What the hell is going on at Chelsea FC? Well, here is a very light-hearted quest to find the reason.
Sack Jose Mourinho.
Execute Branislav Ivanovic.
Axe the Chelsea FC board for not signing big players.
Execute Branislav Ivanovic.
Bring back Eva.
Execute Branislav Ivanovic.
Fire Yokohama Tyres.
Execute Branislav Ivanovic.
Bring back JT.
Execute Branislav Ivanovic.
Overnight the Chelsea FC twitter world went into meltdown after yet another loss, this time to FC Porto in the Champions League.
There are some very angry fans out there at the moment, some are “newbies” who are only accustomed to Chelsea FC winning, but also for the first time some are the “oldies” who proudly proclaim they were there in the 80’s when we really were sh*t.
I’m not going to join in with the hysterical masses citing Ivanovic as the sole reason for the disastrous start to the season because it is a team game, where everyone should be fighting together a la 3 Musketeers.
In my opinion the lack of team spirit is the biggest problem so far. We are playing as though we’ve lost it, that very same team spirit that has won us so much silverware over recent years.
How can a team that were so solid and cohesive last season look so disjointed less than 6 months later?
How can a team that was renowned for it’s high tempo, high pressing game suddenly become so slow and lacklustre?
I don’t know what’s happened behind the scenes this season, but something definitely has, and unless it is sorted out pronto then we as Chelsea FC fans are in for a very long and depressing season.
In the absence of any facts let’s lighten the mood with a few spicy innuendo led rumours (probably closer to the truth than anyone will ever dare admit until the next autobiography comes out). But who cares? It’s silly season after all!
1. Just how many photos of Mourinho’s daughter does Branislav Ivanovic have!
How else does he keep on getting in the team week after week?
2. Why was Jose so mad at Eva? Was it because she had been playing away with Arsene Wenger?
Mr and Mrs Wenger are no more and maybe Arsene got a bit close with his voyeuristic tendencies to which Eva responded in kind?
3. Knowing John Terry’s history for team mates wives, had JT gone up the ladder and said hi to Mrs. Mourinho?
Why else would last season’s ever present club captain be dumped 2 games into a new season?
4. Did the player’s wives have a special X rated Christmas treat for their husbands without Jose knowing about it?
Is that the reason for the poor performance at Tottenham and a sudden plethora of babies 9 months later?
5. Did Jose sucker punch Roman into a new contract before the dreaded 3rd year started?
Surely Roman wouldn’t have fallen for that, but if so did Roman then pull the plug on boardroom support?
6. Did Fabregas’ wife destroy his magic hat thinking it was a contraceptive device?
That might explain why Cesc this season has played more like Dorothy from The Wizard Of Oz than Harry Potter.
More from The Pride of London
- Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea player ratings: Abysmal, reckless, wasteful
- Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea: 3 Blues talking points
- Bournemouth vs Chelsea: 1 Blue Mauricio Pochettino should drop
- Bournemouth vs Chelsea: 3 Blues who must start
- Predicted Chelsea lineup vs Bournemouth: Palmer starts in 4-2-3-1
So there you have it, 6 of the best reasons why Chelsea FC are not performing as a team this year!
Of course neither myself nor anyone at The Pride Of London believe any of these totally unsubstantiated rumours (lawyer speak), but don’t be surprised to see some or all of them in the gutter press next weekend if we don’t beat Southampton on Saturday!
Have you heard any better rumours as to what’s happened at Chelsea FC this season?
Leave a comment below and let’s see who comes up with the best one (all in the name of fun of course!).
Next: Jose Mourinho Infuriated By Basic Errors In Chelsea FC Loss