Roman Abramovich is reportedly in talks to buy the Premier League as he seeks compensation following a disastrous Chelsea FC campaign.
This morning, unconfirmed reports have emerged suggesting that Chelsea FC owner Roman Abramovich is negotiating a deal to buy the entire Premier League. Following his club’s dire 2015/16 season, it is believed that the Russian is seeking compensation for the heartache that he has experienced.
After a wildly successful campaign last time out, the Blues have sunk to lows not witnessed since the Russian’s arrival. Jose Mourinho led the club to a League Cup and Premier League double last term, but Chelsea find themselves struggling to make the top six this season.
The inexplicable drop in form has infuriated Abramovich and thus he is looking to take revenge by buying the Premier League in itself.
More from The Pride of London
- Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea player ratings: Abysmal, reckless, wasteful
- Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea: 3 Blues talking points
- Bournemouth vs Chelsea: 1 Blue Mauricio Pochettino should drop
- Bournemouth vs Chelsea: 3 Blues who must start
- Predicted Chelsea lineup vs Bournemouth: Palmer starts in 4-2-3-1
However, the English top flight was apparently not his top target. Sources close to the billionaire state that he was travelling to Spain via helicopter in order to finalise a deal for La Liga, but he eyed the Premier League’s London headquarters from his vantage point and has chosen to purchase it instead.
The terms of the proposed bid are subject to fervent speculation at this stage, but the most trusted reports value the offer at ‘around one billion barrels of oil’.
An individual with private knowledge of the negotiations opened up to the Pride Of London regarding the rumour. As is understood, he asked to remain anonymous.
"Roman is a top fella. He seems genuine in his intent to buy the Premier League and he has worked his magic in negotiations. The existing board was trying to play hard-ball, but Roman sweet talked him with much gold and fit burds. They were sold."
Of course, the validity of this person’s claim should be highly doubted. Nevertheless, it does suggest that Chelsea’s owner is indeed closing in on total domination of the English game.
We tried to reach representatives from the Football League to gather their thoughts, but they did not return our phone calls. We also tried to reach personnel from UEFA and FIFA, but half of them are in jail so it proved slightly difficult.
Blues fans will undoubtedly be delighted by the news. With fears lingering over the club’s ability to rebound next season, they can now be reassured in the knowledge that the Premier League crown will firmly be in their control.
Abramovich reportedly has a wide range of changes that he intends to implement. The league in itself won’t be affected too much, but Chelsea’s spot at the top of the table will be guaranteed, no matter how many games they win.
The Russian is also keen on appointing Jose Mourinho to the role of league CEO, with a view to sacking him within six months after TV ratings fall off a cliff. Despite the Portuguese having little to do with the results, he is already destined for dismissal.
Next: Chelsea FC’s 50 Greatest Players Of All-Time
Again, we should reiterate that this story is yet to be validated and thus should be taken with a pinch of salt. In the meantime, have a great April Fools’ Day everyone!