For the second time in recent memory Chelsea put in one of the laziest and most disappointingly sour performances of the Roman Abramovich era. Chelsea were technically poor, slow, lazy and entirely outclassed by a Crystal Palace side that had not even secured a point yet this season.
It’s been over a day since Chelsea FC disappointed against Crystal Palace, and I am still having trouble processing the match. Chelsea played the worst team in the Premier League, one who were lacking their best player. And yet they still managed to look like a pub side recovering from the previous night’s stag do, blindfolded.
Chelsea do not deserve to be cut any slack. True, Antonio Conte has not been given all the tools he needs and has been entirely strapped by the club’s management. But that applies in matches against Manchester United, Juventus and Real Madrid – the global greats of the game.
Crystal Palace – and this is not to be disrespectful – should be beaten by 10 men, not XI. And those should be mainly youth players.
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There is no slack to be had here. This performance was horrendous. Thibaut Courtois still has the same communication and command of his goal box that a 1950’s era advertising executive would have with a boring suburban wife. Gary Cahill has heart in spades, but apparently no interest in organizing a defense. David Luiz rides off the credit of his charismatic character more than his play, and Cesar Azpilicueta – for the first time in his career – just does not look good.
The midfield, including the wing-backs, look like the saddest softest group in the land. Marcos Alonso apparently forgot the player he was in the first several matches of the season. Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Kenedy at least has fire. Play him.
Cesc Fabregas is a good footballer but not every single pass needs to be an over the top 20-yard ball. Yes, they are pretty when they work. But Fabregas is also the world’s most predictable person because of it. It’s one thing when he is hitting the ball to Diego Costa or Alvaro Morata, men with genuine weight and hold-up ability. Doing that to Michy Batshuayi is essentially giving an early Christmas to the defense EVERY TIME HE TOUCHES THE BALL.
Sir Alex Ferguson said it best. The advantage that the attacker inherently has is that they control the narrative. The defender is automatically reactionary. By doing the same thing over, and over, and over you minimize your advantage.
Tiemoue Bakayoko is improving slowly, but plays like half the man he is. He should dictate matches entirely instead of just taking part in them. And on the right flank, Victor Moses got injured and Davide Zappacosta tried very hard. Hooray.
Eden Hazard, meanwhile, is living some obtuse, victorian self-fulfilling prophecy. He had the good fortune to return from his injury with guile and grace for both Belgium and Chelsea. Yet for some inane hair-brained reason, he decided to tell people he is going to start playing poorly. Then he did.
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Willian shows a genuine interest in self-improvement. But he has been as effective as throwing gasoline on a house fire. He is industrious so he can not be blamed for shutting off, but it is not producing anything at the moment. He has just not been good enough.
Michy Batshuayi has lost all the faith anyone ever had in him. He needs to acknowledge that he is poor against top level competition. Something is wrong there. Chelsea have a single striker and then a great social media coordinator in their squad. Again, and I say this with truly not a single ounce of joy, hooray.
The truth is simple. Chelsea are too highly paid and too highly thought of for this level of performance to be acceptable. They were terrible. Abjectly terrible. Football is a team sport, so all 11 are to blame.
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The fact that they do this is a betrayal of Roman Abramovich, the supporters and the shirt. Hopefully some big mirrors are installed at Cobham on Monday, because each and every single one of these men needs to take a solid look at themselves.