10 Chelsea Christmas presents for that special someone

5. Baby Pacifiers – George Perry

Congratulations, you old dog! Your swagger in the Chelsea tie and the smoldering romance of the Stone Set Ring paid off, and now you and your special lady are expecting a pair of U8’s. You have the names picked out – Francis Didier and Emma Marina – and you’ve laid in a stash of Carabao for all those late night feedings that lie ahead.

On those nights you’re trying to stay awake, you’re praying to any god you can find that the little ones fall asleep. At the very least, you hope they’ll keep the noise down so you can pass out while watching muted reruns of Chelsea Unseen with one drooling on each of your shoulders. That’s why you’re hoping someone stuffs your stocking with the Chelsea FC baby pacifiers.

The officially licensed pacifiers not only give the kids something to suck on. They help you tell the two apart, because let’s face it, they’re going to look much the same until they’re at least 2 or 3 years old.

"“Honey, what’s Franky D doing over there?” “You daft? That’s Emma. See, she’s got the Stamford the Lion pacifier. Franky sucks on the crest. What kind of parent are you?” “Oh, right on.”"

Parenting. Sorted.