10 Chelsea Christmas presents for that special someone
8. Portable Power Bank – George Perry
You’re suffering with embarrassment because you’re finally at Stamford Bridge for the game, but you’re only there because your mum bought your ticket and insisted she go with you so you can spend quality time together. You can’t swear, you can’t drink, and she’s chatting up everyone around you with stories about that time your shorts fell down when you went to kick the ball during your third-grade sports day.
You’ve been live-streaming the game for your mates on Periscope (which we, of course, condemn – watch the game) and are almost relieved when they announce only two minutes of stoppage time. As the final whistle blows, your mum drops the bomb: she cashed in a bunch of favours at work and has two passes to the Chelsea locker room post-game.
You’re stunned. You’re ashamed at how much of a prat you’ve been toward her all game. And you’re mortified. Your phone is down to 8% battery. There’s no way your friends will believe you were in the locker room unless you have pics and vid. Not to mention, you’ve always wanted to take a selfie with Willian and put that deer-face filter on the two of you.
Once again, Mum to the rescue. In her purse, along with the access passes, she has your other Christmas gift: the Chelsea FC Portable Power Bank. You immediately plug in your phone (Apple or Android, doesn’t matter – it’s compatible with both) and it charges the whole time as you make your way down the aisle, up the stairs, through the concourse, past the stewards and – finally – into that hallowed chamber. By the time you’re hypnotized by light glinting off Marcos Alonso’s hair, your phone is up to 67% charge.
You take your pictures, executing a brilliant multi-platform social media strategy, establishing yourself as an influencer, as only someone who attends games in person can hope to become. And yes, you learn to appreciate what a wonderful person your mum is, inviting her to join you in pictures with the players and sheepishly laughing off her asking which of the Blues are single as she hopes to find a boyfriend for your sister. That’s the greatest Christmas gift she could ask for (which is good, because you didn’t buy her anything clever, you ingrate).