Chelsea’s begin their final defence of fifth-place with a trip to Southampton. Hopefully they are more inspired for this game than our increasingly nihilistic contributors.
This must be what it feels like to be a fan of one of those other teams. Little to play for, little to get excited about, you tear your heart open just feel… nothing. Let’s hope Chelsea hate this as much as we do, and pledge to themselves – and us – that it will never happen again. In the meantime, wear some black with your Blue, put on your early-00’s mascara and enjoy our most emo set of predictions ever.
Scott Brant: Southampton 1 – 2 Chelsea. Well it’s hard to do, but this club has me speechless. I keep thinking their backs are against the wall and they will turn it around in this match. But as Antonio Conte said in his presser, all season this team has missed chances in matches. A problem they still must fix. Even with that said, I can’t stomach it to pick the Blues to lose. Alvaro Morata and Cesar Azpilicueta connect for the eighth time. Willian with a deserved goal. Charlie Austin to cause trouble.
Barrett Rouen: 0 – 2. We suck now but so do they. Southampton vs. Chelsea is the first match I saw as a child. These two are in pretty much the same place they were then. It sucks. The good thing is James Beattie can’t come around and ruin it this time. The boys will be infuriating. Nothing matters.
This is for you, @BRouen13. #SOUCHE #CFC pic.twitter.com/Q4W0o0NJR6
— The Pride of London (@PrideOLondon) April 14, 2018
Brendan McDonnell: 0 – 1. Oh, nice. A 4:30am Pacific special. Barrett summed this up perfectly as both teams are terrible. I can’t decide if we’re getting a Watford 2.0 or West Brom 2.0. Ultimately I don’t care. Chelsea by a goal and I’m furious I watched any of it.
Kevin Peacock: 1 – 3. I can’t help but think at some point these players (aside from Azpilicueta and Kante) will hit it off. Conte has given them enough chances. The optimist in me says 3-1 Chelsea. Ultimately, though, the season is done. Chelsea’s one chance is a Harry Kane-fuelled Tottenham implosion.
Daniel Mcclue: 1 – 1. Who knows? Theoretically this should be one of the easiest games of the season, a relegation-threatened side playing with absolutely no urgency. But West Ham at home was a slog so this could be the same. At this point in time I’m not sure it matters. Heck, does anything matter anyway?
Hugo Amaya: 1 – 2. The Blues’ inability to defend any sort of lead has been a concern for everyone, and it will be once again in this game. Chelsea will score one in the first half and follow up in the second half with another. However, Southampton need a win and will put on the pressure, knowing Chelsea defend like three-year olds. But they will only score one and the Blues will see this through.
Alex Ford: 1 – 2. The Blues have been largely frustrating this season and will want to show the Saints what to expect when they meet again next weekend in the FA Cup. It won’t be plain sailing for Conte’s men with the south coast side looking to save themselves from an abysmal season. Morata and Willian to net, whilst Austin bags one for the hosts… Or maybe Harry Kane gets one? Who knows?
Next: Conte ready to take Chelsea back to the UCL, if anyone cares to join him
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