Antonio Conte’s team selection on Wednesday was pathetic. As he looks to rest the whole Chelsea squad for the Newcastle game ahead of next weekend’s FA Cup final, he adopts some blue-sky thinking in his starting XI selection.
Chelsea’s current squad are only fit enough to play 90 minutes per week. Two games in seven days are way beyond their capabilities. As such, Antonio Conte’s options are becoming limited. In order to give his players the break they need, Conte digs deep amongst the corridors of Cobham to cobble together a team to take to the north-east.
Goalkeeper: Carlo Cudicini (44 years old), Italy
In a choice between assistant goalkeeping coach Henrique Hilario and Carlo Cudicini, the first name on the teamsheet is a no-brainer. Cudicini’s gloves and boots still fit, so he is drafted straight into the No. 1 spot. The Italian played 203 games for Chelsea in his 10-year-career in west London. He kept 94 clean sheets and conceded 177 goals. The only blot on his copybook is the 37 games he played for Tottenham. Cudicini is currently an assistant to Conte and one of four club ambassadors.
Defender: Paolo Vanoli (45), Italy
Conte names one of his current assistants in an untried back-three. Vanoli was a journeyman player during his 17-year-career, appearing for 11 different clubs in short bursts. A left-back of little repute, his inclusion is simply about making up the numbers. That said, he did make two international appearances for Italy. These days, he’d be valued at £30 million and deemed a perfect acquisition for Marina Granovskaia.
Defender: Paulo Ferreira (39), Portgual
Ferreira joined during Jose Mourinho’s first spell at the Chelsea, following the Portuguese One from Porto. The right-back was extremely popular amongst the Chelsea faithful. Hard working, never moaning, he just did the job he was paid to do. 216 appearances, 2 goals and 7 assists in his time at Chelsea saw him lift the Premier League three times, the FA Cup three times and the league cup twice. He was also a non-playing member of the Champions League winning side. He currently works as a loan player technical coach and club ambassador number two.
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Defender: Andy Myers (44), England
Myers was predominantly a left-back but Conte is forced to play the Englishman out of position in the centre of the defensive three. Myers played through the nineties and was a product of Chelsea’s youth system. He made over 100 appearances during his eight-year spell with the senior side, scoring two goals. And they say the academy system is flawed. He currently works as an assistant coach with the development squad.
Midfield: Antonio Conte (48), Italy
The manager needs a midfield general, someone he can trust to do the hard work without the ball his tactics demand. With that in mind, he names himself in the centre of the park. This is new ground for Conte, as all his club football was played in Italy. If it wasn’t his career starting at his hometown club Lecce, he would have been a one-club player. Juventus was and still is his go-to-team. Whenever his Chelsea career ends, the likelihood is he’ll eventually work his way back to the Old lady.
Midfield: Eddie Newton (46), England
Alongside Conte is Eddie Newton. The Londoner played as a defensive midfielder throughout the nineties. He returned to Chelsea as assistant to Roberto di Matteo in that famous 2011/12 season that saw the club go onto lift the Champions League. Newton is still at the club, overseeing the progress of players from the academy that are out on loan. That’s a job that must keep him incredibly busy. He is also club ambassador number three.
Midfield: Jody Morris (39), England
In what is fast becoming a packed midfield Jody Morris, the current U18 manager, fits in alongside Conte and Newton. Morris came through Chelsea’s ranks alongside John Terry during the mid-nineties and into the 00s. He pulled on a Chelsea shirt 155 times in his senior career. The success he has delivered with the U18’s recently has seen his name mentioned as a possible Chelsea manager for the senior team. It would certainly be a popular choice for the supporters, but maybe after a spell alongside a more experienced boss.
Midfield: Angelo Alessio (53), Italy
Another one of Conte’s trusted lieutenants, Alessio played alongside his fellow Italian for Juventus in their midfield. Alessio, in his day, was a good utility player slotting into any of the midfield or front positions. His role for this game is just behind the striker, effectively, the No. 10 role. Hopefully he can add some creativity to a team full of grafters, something sorely lacking in this eleven.
Striker: Tore Andre Flo (44), Norway
A cult striker during his time with the club, Flo accrued his 148 appearances during just three seasons. The Norwegian came to Chelsea at the start of what turned out to be the club’s most successful era. Signed by Ruud Gullit, Flo went on to score 46 goals at Chelsea. Always popular with the fans, he left for Rangers after game time became difficult to find under Gianluca Vialli, who replaced Gullit shortly after Flo’s arrival. He is currently a loan player technical coach and also club ambassador number four.
Free Role: Julio Tous (45), Spain
With Conte now struggling to make up numbers, Tous – one of the clubs fitness coaches – is held accountable for the actual first team’s lack of fitness, by being forced to play despite a complete lack of experience. One thing in his favour though, are his initials are JT, two initials that hold such reverence in the annals of Chelsea’s history. Conte chooses to not assign the Spaniard an actual playing position. His playing orders are to simply follow the ball, drawing opposition players out of position. Everyone calls him JT.
In the team, because it’s his ball: Roman Abramovich (51), Russia
Without a ball, there is no football and plenty of suffering to be had. As Chelsea head north Abramovich puts himself forward as Conte’s final selection. Given the Russian supplies the plane the team fly in, not to mention the kit, the sandwiches for the journey, and indeed the ball, Conte feels an obligation to the oligarch. The Russian demands to play up front alongside Flo, and it’s not up for discussion. He instructs Conte to tell the Norwegian to never shoot and to only pass to him, as only he himself can score. If his demands are not met, he’s going to take his ball home.
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