Chelsea fans, the club and surely many players were dismayed to see Eden Hazard left out of the Premier League PFA Team of the Season. We wanted to know how this could have happened.
The players themselves vote of the PFA Team of the Season. It seems incomprehensible that Eden Hazard’s peers would not recognize him as one of the best in the Premier League. Perhaps the players don’t take the voting seriously. To find out, we called our confidential source deep within the bowels of Chelsea FC. S/he gave us an exclusive look at how some Chelsea players voted – in a few cases letting us see their actual votes – along with some insight into what was going through their minds as they filled out their ballot.
Kepa Arrizabalaga
Voted for: Kepa Arrizabalaga, Sergio Ramos, Sergio Busquets, Andres Iniesta, Xabi Alonso, Xavi, Cesc Fabregas, David Villa
Our source: “Unsurprisingly, he thinks quite highly of himself, even if he’s not always sure about what’s going on around him.”
Gary Cahill
Screw Sarri; Screw Sarri, Screw Sarri, Chelsea ’til I die, Screw Sarri; Screw Sarri, Screw Sarri, Screw Sarri; Screw Sarri, Harry Kane, Screw Sarri
Our source: “He seems all stoic and professional, and recently hired a new Twitter guy to present a stiff Blue upper lip, but on the inside he’s a cauldron of rage.”
Ruben Loftus-Cheek
Callum Hudson-Odoi, James Ward-Prowse, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Dominic Calvert-Lewin, Ainsley Maitland-Niles, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Morgan Gibbs-White, Aaron Wan-Bissaka
Our source: “He thinks his type should stick together.”
Willian
Ariana Grande, Khloe Kardashian, Cardi B, Dua Lipa
Our source: “He said his daughter found the voting form on his phone, filled it out and sent it in when he was out of the room.”
Cesar Azpilicueta
Our source: “This guy needs to unwind. A few years ago he second-guessed one of his votes, went with the sentimental choice and has regretted it ever since. Cesar is determined never to make that mistake again. He stayed up all hours of the night for three weeks watching game film and crunching numbers. He even hired two data scientists from SpaceX to work independently on statistical models so he could be fully confident that he really was voting for the best XI.
“Then he had his lawyer with two armed guards hand deliver his ballot, just to ensure the integrity of his vote. He’d be a lunatic if he wasn’t so absolutely lovable.”
Andreas Christensen
[blank ballot]
Our source: “He didn’t want to offend anyone he didn’t vote for, so he didn’t vote for anyone.”
Eden Hazard
Joe Hart; Hugh Jass, Yuri Nator, Phil Jones; Laurent Koscielny, Joe Momma; Kenedy, Heywood D’Jadumi
Our source: “If you’ve been around Eden for 30 seconds, you know he’s gonna have you rolling in laughter. He’s the king of good-natured s**t-housery.”
Gonzalo Higuain
Shrimp scampi, spinach and artichoke dip, caprese; chicken piccata, prime rib of beef, loaded baked potato (three); chocolate eclairs, strawberry ice cream.
Our source: “One of the Chelsea FC interns left Gonzalo’s ballot on his chair in the canteen. Guess he thought he was supposed to write down his dinner order for that night.”
Pedro
Our source: “He wrote down about 100 names, scribbled all over the paper, some upside down, some diagonal, some in a circle, a few in a figure-8 shape. Up in one corner he drew what appeared to be a rough version of the Chelsea crest, but with Barcelona colours. When we went to collect his ballot he folded it into a paper airplane faster than anyone you’ve ever seen do it and sailed it out the window. It actually landed on my car. I didn’t bother to send it in.”
Olivier Giroud
Olivier Giroud
Our source: “It’ll take more than Maurizio Sarri to diminish his self-regard.”