One of the hallmarks of the Maurizio Sarri era has been a degradation of the discourse around Chelsea FC. Sarri may not be a leader, but he certainly has loyal followers.
Ever since news broke about Chelsea’s plan to get rid of Maurizio Sarri after the Europa League final, pandemonium has spread through a vocal section of ChelsTwit. This ragtag bunch of Sarri apologists, commonly known as Sarritologists or Members of the Cult of Sarritology, suddenly find themselves looking at a life without their guru. And, in the parlance of our times, they can’t even.
It all started last summer when Chelsea were linked to Maurizio Sarri for their soon-to-be-vacant managerial chair. An absurd level of hype on social media led to thousands of people elevating Sarri to demigod status, who would descend upon London to lead Chelsea out of the dark ages and into the era of beautiful football: Sarriball.
From goals, wins and points, the conversation dumbed down to passes, passing accuracy and sterile possession.
The Sarri evangelists would fiercely protect their messiah, who was only trying to enlighten the unwashed masses. The guru could do no wrong and his acolytes shoved this down the throat of anyone who dared disagree. The whole thing had become a cult, with the gullible and the gormless flocking to enroll.
Unfortunately for the cultists, many people saw through Sarri, not least the teams who used a rudimentary man-marking tactic to nullify his one and only gameplan. The emperor had no clothes. Only a Jorginho-shaped fig leaf covered the unmentionables.
After being exposed (yes, pun intended) one too many times, it appears the Chelsea board have decided to take necessary action. In doing so, they have triggered Sarri’s legion of lick-spittles on Twitter.
The reaction from the offended masses is a fascinating reflection of some of the worst tendencies of the savior.
First, there is the complete lack of people skills. Start a mature discussion with a Sarritologist and the conversation inevitably turns ugly. Phrases such as “You don’t understand football” or “You don’t understand regista” come flying at you out of nowhere.
When asked to explain instead of insult, it ultimately leads to “I can’t explain it to you, you’re too stupid and old to understand.”
That sounds suspiciously like what Sarri may have said to Danny Drinkwater and Gary Cahill before discarding them like disposable cups.
And then there’s the exceptional ability to apportion blame elsewhere. It’s never Sarri’s fault when something goes wrong. It’s either the players, the opposition’s anti-football, the board or the pitch. Sarri could roll off any of these excuses regularly spouted by his disciples and no one could tell the difference between him and any of his ChelsTwit enforcers.
The cult of Sarri, much like the man himself, seem ensconced in their own echo chamber, patting each other on the back, utterly convinced that they know best and that everyone who disagrees with them is a blithering idiot. Fortunately for the rest of us, the impending departure of the messiah and, with him, bandwagoners who support Sarri FC and not Chelsea FC, should restore some semblance of sanity to our existence.
When the Italian cleans out his desk and someone else takes his place, that’s when we’ll really know where the Sarri mob’s loyalties lie.
Until then, the cult will continue to outrage that Chelsea did not trust the process and could not see the divinely-revealed vision of Maurizio Sarri. They will continue to curse the board who appointed Sarri in the first place and are well within their rights to sack him if the “process” isn’t working. And they’ll continue to bemoan the fact that the Chelsea fanbase is currently divided into two distinct “Sarri In” and “Sarri Out” camps, while rejecting any suggestions that their fanatical defence of every Sarri mistake led to this.
Then again, accepting responsibility isn’t their strong suit. Just like their Dear Leader himself.