Chelsea have produced some high quality content recently, such as the Rob Green Europa League video and the Mod kit release video. But as our byline-deprived contributor Nate Hofmann points out, they plunge into madness with every single Media Watch segment.
Chelsea’s new-ish 5th Stand app is impressive. On the sleek platform, you can find interviews with players and coaches, watch highlights from matches, and, of course, buy club merchandise. This season, they’ve even been streaming the preseason matches (for a fee, obviously), and the quality has been surprisingly good. As far as club-owned apps, it’s up there with the best. Compared to the abomination that was the previous iteration of Chelsea’s official app, it’s the work of gods.
For all of the great content, though, there’s one recurring piece that is strikingly weird and out of place: the relatively frequent Media Watch articles.
Most days, Chelsea posts an article detailing Chelsea-related tidbits from sources other than the club itself. Most of it is benign: ex-players and managers giving harmless interviews in which they tiptoe around saying anything of substance. But they also include the odd transfer rumor. It’s weird.
Take the post from Wednesday, July 31. The article leads off with a Daily Mail interview with Joe Cole. Nothing to see here. Then, all of a sudden, the article cites a Goal.com report that Davide Zappacosta is open to a return to Italy.
Is that not really weird? A club publishing a rumor about its own player leaving?
In the club’s own words:
"The 27-year-old signed from Torino in the summer of 2017 but [Goal.com] suggests teenager Reece James could move ahead of the Italian as the club’s alternative right-back for the upcoming season. – Chelsea FC"
This would be the equivalent of someone tweeting about the rumors of their own impending divorce. Every Media Watch article includes the customary “[These stories] do not represent the views or position of Chelsea Football Club.” Remember that line, it’s important.
It’s even weirder to think that the initial rumor was presumably leaked by a source within the club, especially in regards to Reece James moving up the depth chart. Or perhaps the entire thing was made up, which makes acknowledging it weirder still.
This isn’t even a unique event. Within the same article, following the Zappacosta bit, there’s coverage of an Evening Standard report claiming Chelsea are looking to loan out Fikayo Tomori, with Everton leading the charge.
I want to point out one line in particular regarding Kurt Zouma that makes my head spin. Again, in the club’s own words:
"“…but with the French defender looking likely to stay with the Blues…”"
That’s not from the Evening Standard’s report. It’s Chelsea’s own commentary on the report itself. Imagine if I said about myself, “It looks like Nate might have a bagel this morning. But Nate can neither confirm nor deny this.”
They’re creating a perspective that doesn’t exist. You can’t logically give an opinion about yourself and then claim that what you said doesn’t reflect your own opinions. My brain hurts.
Go back another two days. “Bakayoko linked with Toffees move.” This leads off with the Chelsea-written sentence, “While Tiemoue Bakayoko’s prospective moved to Paris Saint-Germain appears to have fallen through…”
Again, not an official reflection of the club’s views or position. Just a thing the club decided to write. Are they saying this because it’s true? Is it all a ploy to manipulate interest and transfer fees? (That would be sort of genius, actually.) We’ll probably never know, and it’s driving me insane.
Go back a bit further, to July 26. The entire title of the Media Watch article:
“Media Watch: Willian Reported to have Agreed Contract Extension, Chelsea Linked with Future Move for Wilfried Zaha, PSG Reportedly Drop Interest in Tiemoue Bakayoko”
Why, why, why? Why would you put this out there and opine as to whether or not it’s true, speaking in the club’s voice but claiming it doesn’t represent Chelsea’s official opinion? What even is reality? I need to stop.
Look, the 5th Stand is a really good app. I highly recommend it. But if you value your sanity, stay far away from the Media Watch articles. They’re nothing but rabbit holes that lead to philosophical questions about reality and the very concept of self.
I need a nap.