At some point, Chelsea will build and move into a new stadium. When they do, they will need to rename the stands. Here are some suggestions.
Chelsea Football Club have had a lot of influential figures over their 115-year history (wait, I thought the ex-manager said they only had 20 years of history). Unless they hire an extremely avant garde architect to build the next Stamford Bridge, the club will need to settle on only four people to honour with a stand at the new stadium.
1. John Terry’s One Night Stand (Varun Dani)
No player deserves to have a stand named after him more than Mr. Chelsea himself, John Terry. Terry’s One Night Stand will be a special stand reserved for the most faithful fans, with a bonus free ticket given to their spouses, with the objective to give them one special night: a passionate experience they’d never forget.
The name of the stand refers to the night that defined Terry’s legacy. After years of constantly having his back, Stamford Bridge watched from afar as the captain shed his suit to have the most satisfying experience of bedding the lady Champions League trophy, as he gloriously raised it over his head in his full kit: the defining stand by the Captain, Leader, Legend of Stamford Bridge.
Wait, what did you think this was about?
2. The Peter Bonetti Stand (Kevin Peacock)
It would surely be fitting to have one of the stands behind the goals named after a goalkeeper. As we possibly witness Kepa Arrizabalaga’s last stand, it may be appropriate to consider The Peter Bonetti Stand as a possibility.
Bonetti is second only to Ron Harris in terms of club appearances with 729 outings between the sticks during two spells with the Blues.
For a goalkeeper, Bonetti was small of stature when stood alongside today’s giants of the goal, but what he lacked in height, he more than made up for in agility. Nicknamed “the cat,” Bonetti was a fantastic keeper to watch.
Of course, it’s always going to be contentious when you start messing around renaming stands or, perhaps worse, selling the naming rights of the stadium as a whole. However, Stamford Bridge has two unnamed stands, save for the geographical direction they face: the East Stand and the West Stand.
In terms of Stamford Bridge, The Shed is sacrosanct but I’m sure Matthew Harding would oblige in shifting the stand named in his memory by 90 degrees. To have The Peter Bonetti Stand behind the goal would be a fitting tribute to one of the club’s finest servants.
3. The “That’s All I Can Stand” Stand (Abhishek Pancholi)
When Chelsea move into a new stadium, they should – nay, must – pay tribute to the man who got them this far. Roman Abramovich has pumped his billions into the club without asking for a penny in return. It is only fair that the club recognizes his benevolence and names a stand in his honor.
Whenever results have not gone Chelsea’s way and the club appeared in danger of being left behind, Mr. Abramovich has stepped in and heads have rolled.
But so far there has never been a way for the fans to know what goes on in his mind. That would all change in the new stadium.
In the new “That’s All I Can Stand” Stand, there would be a “That’s All I Can Stand,” written in huge block letters, illuminated in LED lights, with Mr. Abramovich the only person with the authority to turn those lights on.
Perched high up in the owner’s box, watching his team struggle to win yet another game, with the crowd getting restless and the manager unable to do anything, Mr. Abramovich would let out an exasperated sigh. He would then reach for the big red button under a glass case, gently push it and, lo and behold, a wave of excitement would wash over the hitherto frustrated fans.
The manager knows what just happened without even glancing at the lights that have come on. He trudges towards the tunnel, letting the team play out the final minutes without his supervision.
A message flashes on his phone, the same message that got the crowd on their feet: “That’s all I can stand. – Roman A.”
4. The Lord Richard Attenborough Stand (George Perry)
Lord Richard Attenborough helped save the original Stamford Bridge and keep it as Chelsea’s home. If he hadn’t chosen Chelsea instead of Fulham as a place to build his physical fitness for a movie role in the 1940s, we might not all be here right now. Naming a stand in the new stadium after him seems a working definition of “the least we could do.”
Attenborough was one of the masters of ceremonies for Chelsea’s glamour years of the 1960s and 1970s, an era the club is commemorating this season with their videos, retro-inspired kits and throwback kits. Attenborough brought movie stars into stands and locker room at Stamford Bridge, making Chelsea FC as fashionable as sexy as Chelsea itself.
The concourse of the stand would be an opportunity to recall his achievements in film and his dedication to the club. Perhaps a large banner reading “When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth” could hang above plaques of Jose Mourinho, Carlo Ancelotti and Antonio Conte.
5. The Guus Hiddink (Interim) Stand (George Perry)
Depending on the construction schedule Chelsea may need to play some games at a temporary stadium, and what name better captures the spirit of temporary around this club than Guus Hiddink? Each stand at Chelsea’s interim home will take a turn being named after the greatest multi-term interim manager in club, nay, Premier League, nay again, football history.
Alternatively, if the trend of turning absolutely everything in new stadia into sponsorship inventory continues, there may be some gaps between stand sponsors. So if the naming rights for The 3 Stand expire on April 30, but The Taco Bell Stand does not become official until June 30, the new Stamford Bridge will host a few games with the Blues’ faithful in The Guus Hiddink (Interim) Stand.