Songs for Chelsea: Who’s Iron Man, and who should Get Up Off That Thing?
Chelsea FC are trying to put the Blues at the intersection of football, music and fashion, like during the club’s sexiest years in the 1960s and 70s. Here are a few songs that perfectly capture some current and recent Blues.
Football fans love to sing about their clubs and their favourite players, but sometimes the professional singers say it all as only they can. Here are a few songs that make you wonder if the bands somehow knew about Chelsea when they put pen to paper and their mouth to a microphone.
1. Cesar Azpilicueta: “Iron Man,” Black Sabbath (Scott Brant)
When I think of an “iron man”, I think of someone who is reliable, tough, trustworthy, and seemingly never stops. Those adjectives perfectly describe Cesar Azpilicueta, Chelsea’s Captain and Iron Man.
The Spaniard does nothing but start and finish matches. He doesn’t sit on the bench. He doesn’t pick up knocks. He doesn’t need rest. He just keeps plugging away, and never stops.
A few of the lyrics speak straight to Azpilicueta: “heavy boots of lead, fills his victims full of dread, running as fast as they can, Iron Man lives again.” Just when you think you can find someone to outrun him, he manages to handle the situation. Maybe you think strength is the way to go and outmuscle him. That won’t work either.
It does not matter what you put in front of Cesar “Iron Man” Azpilicueta, he is going to shut them down, and show up the next day like it was nothing.
2. Jorginho: “Pretty Fly for a White Guy,” The Offspring (Abhishek Pancholi)
Over the past year and a half, ChelsTwit has been awash with fanboys of Chelsea’s Italian, mediocre, midfield metronome. These basement-dwellers presumably spend their nights watching clips of Jorginho spraying 3-yard passes while whispering “Give it to me, baby (uh huh, uh huh)”. Obviously, no other song and no other player go so well together.
Through little fault of his own, Jorginho has been built up by his stans to be some sort of hybrid between Andrea Pirlo and Andres Iniesta. Not true, sadly.
These lines from the opening verse set the mood for what follows next.
He may not have a clue and he may not have style / But everything he lacks, well, he makes up in denial!
Displaying better vision and foresight than the player in question, The Offspring then go ahead and chuck another gem that explains all that pointing and shouting: “So if you don’t rate, just overcompensate”
Right at the end, the song seemingly mocks the club’s transfer policy of spending stupid money on someone who is a knockoff version of some of the greatest deep-lying playmakers the world has ever seen.
Let’s get some more wannabes, ah /Hey, hey, do that brand new thing!
Fits like a glove.
3. Mount, James & Co.: “The Kids Are Alright,” The Who (Kevin Peacock)
This season, like no other at Stamford Bridge, has simply been about the infamous Cobham yoof. Of course, the world of social media is divided, but with Tammy Abraham banging in the goals, Mason Mount creating them and Reece James defending them, as The Who once sang, The Kids Are Alright.
Recorded and released in the mid-sixties at a time when Chelsea was the place to be, the musical energy created on stage by Pete Townsend, Roger Daltry, John Entwhistle and Keith Moon matched those Straight Outta Cobham.
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Similarities exist between Frank Lampard’s young guns and Tommy Docherty’s Diamonds, who were plying their trade at the same time as The Who were recording hit after hit. Terry Venables, Bobby Tambling and Peter Bonetti were all brought in at the expense of more experienced players. The circumstances may have been different, but the end result was exactly the same.
Chelsea have, during the last few seasons, been guilty of not promoting their own youth players. However, for a host of reasons the tide has turned and right now the Kids Are Alright.