6 Chelsea megastore Christmas gifts to shove 2020 out the door
3. Chelsea Biodegradable Pen (Gabe Henderson)
One of the funniest and most underrated comedic devices on Earth is the concept of irony. While sometimes irony can lead to catastrophic mistakes, it never fails to conjure up some laughs. This concept doesn’t need to be explained to any of our English readers—as they’ve already perfected comedy on numerous occasions, this unintentionally being one of them—but perhaps some others can take notes.
The perfect example of irony, as it relates to Chelsea Football Club, is the listing of the Chelsea Biodegradable Pen on the team’s official store. Before diving into what makes this item’s inclusion on the site ironic, I’m going to continue to drag this pointless sentence on, hoping it gives you a bit more time to mull it over. Still don’t understand? I’ll explain.
Saving the planet in any capacity is a worthy cause, sure, but those already in search of items like biodegradable pens are highly unlikely to be supporting Chelsea in the first place, so long as they’ve done their due diligence and researched the club’s history. This is because of the business dealings of Roman Abramovich. Many of us are willing to overlook the shady side deals he’s done in the past simply because he funds big spending sprees and delivers superstars. Abramovich has also been at the forefront of making the world a better place socially, supporting and organizing equality campaigns all over the world, from the United States to Israel to Stamford Bridge.
This is not an indictment of the owner, he’s a beloved figure in west London, but it merely points out the irony of an item on the team site. Abramovich has a history of dealing with the mining and oil industries, he also owns a massive yacht and several airplanes.
Anybody willing to go as far as searching for a club branded biodegradable pen should simply not support Chelsea in the first place. If they do, they run the risk of becoming the poster child of irony. Oh well, at least they’ll be able to jot down notes Jose Mourinho style using their environmentally friendly pen with the crest of a club owned by a Russian oil and aluminum billionaire. Irony at its finest, folks.